Be a Benevolent Dictator for your dog!

One of my pet peeves with some Dog Owners and Dog Rescue people, is that they cannot let go of what i call...the "Bleeding Heart Syndrome", when it comes to helping dogs rehabilitate.  One of the first things I explain to my clients who have hired me to help them with their dog's biting or jumping or digging etc. issues, is to tell them that I want them to stop empathizing with their dogs current plight and to not worry about how the dog reacts when they are on the leash for the first time or when they are on the leash with an actual leader for the first time.  I ask them to just take the position that they "Approve of what's going on".  All dogs react very differently when they find themselves "captured" by a person holding the leash who isn't swayed by their pulling or jumping or snarling or biting or whining or crying or flopping around like a live fish in a hot frying pan.  Dogs may display a variety of degrees of this behavior when they try to get away from me and try to bite off their leash or wriggle out of their collar.

When most dog owners see this happening, they usually go straight to that ugly place where they feel the dog is hurting or is in pain or that I am somehow abusing them...and they need to react to it or to me.  I appreciate the reasoning they have, but I tell them that what they are feeling doesn't help the dog recover and relax, it only gives the dog hope that he will be saved by them soon.  I personally see that kind of reaction as a an acquired syndrome that has happened to dog rescue personnel or to well meaning volunteers and/or people who wish to help dogs find better homes, and do it just because! I think it comes out of knowing where the dog has come from, or maybe having been abused or neglected, or abandoned into the mean streets like my dog Shea was.  It's usually their first go to response and perhaps their only response that makes sense to them, to believe they are being an advocate for the dog, or maybe to make sure that the doggie will never experience any pain or suffering or restricted movements again for the rest of its life, because it's life to date has been so very crappy and unfair and therefore worthy of only love forever more.  This kind of attitude is initially "Admirable" but the energy that comes off the human who thinks this way, is picked up and interpreted by the dog as being more like the dogs "Enabler" than it is being what the dog owners think it is.  In reality, it is a loving and helpful technique used by the dog trainer to get their dog to relax and to stop flailing and to learn that life WITH the pack is a much better than the life OUTSIDE of the pack.  Dogs may picture themselves as "A Pack of One", and out of that attitude, I believe is where the dogs make bad decisions that effect everyone around them.

Granted...the dog owners hearts are in the right place, and I applaud them for their selfless missions to save all the animals they can, but their over loving mental state and their lack of knowing what a dog actually needs to get back on track, unintentionally (or intentionally as I have discovered) prevents the dog from achieving what a trainer like me needs to see out of a dog and the dog owner.  When the dog truly "feels" that their owner is "Hurting for them" and wishing it would just stop, then that energy and attitude actually fuels the dog to continue to overreact to being on a leash.  It's akin to riding and "Breaking a Wild Mustang", no matter how much the horse tries to buck off and bite at the rider, the horse kicks and bucks and jumps around in a blazing huff right up until it eventually gives in, (all horses have a variety of levels of determination just like dogs have) and they stop all their frantic attempts to maintain freedom, and in the dogs case, to maintain dominance...and regarding the horse, it lets go and becomes trainable and rideable and more valuable to it's owner.

What I see in the dog owners faces and in their wringing hands, and sometimes what I hear in their whining sounds and uncomfortable voices, and the squirming in their seats... tells me that they are sympathizing and worrying about the dogs well being, as it goes through it's reaction to being on the leash...instead of being the kind of dog owner that shows the dog that they are confident and convinced that what the trainer is doing with their dog, is geared for the dogs own good, and that ultimately in the end, the dog and owner will have the connection of trust and respect that has been non existent to date.

I like to use the metaphor of an alcoholic or drug addicted son or daughter who is causing havoc in a family, and the parents tell their son or daughter that they are going to send them to rehab for 30 days if they don't stop their drug and/or drinking ways, and then on that day the child is supposed to go and get help, the child puts up such a convincing plea to the parents, that this time they will change and that they will do better and to please not send them to rehab, and instead of falling upon deaf ears, the parents cave to the sympathetic and pathetic pleas of the child and so they don't send them to rehab.  This tactic has shown the child how to manipulate the parents on both ends...to deal with the child's crappy behavior and bad decisions they make that effect the family and all who interact with the unruly actions of the addict or drunk, and then to turn to an appeal to the maternal and paternal instincts of protective parents to keep them from actually following through with their threats.

These "Maternal Pleadings" reach into the heart strings of the Bleeding Heart "Parents", causing them to rethink and then relent to their demands...and not send the kid to rehab.  The kid scores a convincing win, and in most cases, immediately goes right back to doing what he or she was doing before that crises of their own making came to a head.  (This is exactly what dogs do in this situation!)   This pattern persists until the day comes once again, and the parents finally tell him or her that this time, they have had enough and "we really mean it" that they are sending that kid to get the help he needs.  It is at that exact point where they learn the value of being what I call... a Benevolent Dictator! (more later)

When the parents get to that final point where they have had enough of the family upheavals and police visits and family holiday maladies and jail visits and drunk driving tickets and missing AA meetings, and when they have had enough of the hollow promises to change etc., then and only then will the parents discover that they are truly calloused and unrelenting on their belief that the kid is going to get help because they need it...and when the van from the Rehab facility arrives at that front door to pick up that kid, (picture me as that van) who then turns to his parents and sets about pleading his case once again that he'll change and never drink again or that he will be a better person etc, the parents are NOW in a place where they can just fold their arms and nod in approval as the orderlies escort their child into the car and off to the healing center, where the parents now believe and know in their hearts that the odds for that kid coming out much better on the other side have just been greatly improved.  This is the place where I want the dog owners to be when I arrive!  Many or most of my clients are right there when I come to their homes, where they welcome the help and knowledge and the service that I provide them at a very reasonable rate of $30/hr.

By the time I have been called, the issue or issues have persisted until the owners have usually had enough, or when they are informed that there are people out there like me, who can help them with their dog issues, and who can make their dogs issues go away or become greatly reduced.  I like to feel like I am giving dog owners the keys to drive their animal by just being a benevolent dictator, one who is loving and accepting that the minor inconvenience of seeing their dog freak out and turn into a wild and feral appearing animal, pales in comparison to what lies beyond that...maybe Euthanasia for most "bad" dogs whose owners have had enough and return them to a shelter, or...the owners find a new and improved family dog who can now get out of his or her own head and learn the joys of being a "Submissive" family member who has acquired the new ability to "learn to Listen and follow commands" from their calm and assertive leader....or "Benevolent Dictator".              
Benevolent: serving a charitable rather than a profit-making purpose
Dictator: a ruler with total power over a country (home in this case)

Note: This term "Submissive" isn't in the terms we think of as negative human to human submission, I'm referring to a calm submissive dog being led by a calm and assertive leader kind of "Submissive".  Its like a soldier listening to directions and following orders by a superior.  Is that a case for abuse, is that cruel, is that wrong and punishable by federal crime standards...no it isn't.  My approach and "Method" is tried and proven to teach a dog how to listen and how to maintain some balance and order between dog and owner.  That is the approach I try to take and achieve when i'm explaining to my clients the details of the why and the what I am doing as I am doing it, and how it is always humane and in the dogs best interest.

Please feel free to Love your dogs.  Go out and save as many dogs as you can, but please don't hamstring the behavior trainers efforts by your "feelings of empathy for your dogs plight toward change".  Be a part of the change in your dogs rehabilitation.  When you embrace leash training and connect with your dog, you will bask in all the  rewards of your dog's new behavior and attitude in your home.                                                                                             

BE WHO YOUR DOG LOOKS UP TO!

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